Thursday, July 21, 2011

She's Got Baseballs!

By Bonnie Jo Phillips 7/21/2011

“Play ball!” shouts the umpire and my Little League Team takes the field. I have broken the ban that separates women coaches from men coaches. I am a pioneer.
My second baseman, Richard hands me his partial plate containing one front tooth, and explains, “My mother doesn’t want me to play with it in my mouth.
Henry, our catcher, throws his right leg into the air and raps on the front of his pants. “Coach I’m wearing my cup” he announces.
Joey, my eight year old pitcher, takes the mound. His control of the ball is better than the control of his bladder. As the presser of the game increases, so does the wet spot in the front of his pants. His mother races home for a dry pair of pants.
The opposing team makes three outs and it is out turn at bat. Johnny gets on base with a walk. It is Mike’s turn at bat. He gets a hit. He suffers from dyslexia, and in the excitement, runs to third base. The center fielder scoops up the ball, but is confused when he sees the batter running to third base. He hesitates and over throws first base. The ball goes into the bleacher. Joey runs to second base. Seeing the batter on third base he stops. The ball is thrown to first base and the umpire shouts, “Batter’s out!”
The opposing coach scratches his head and says, “That’s either the smartest or the dumbest way to advance a run that I ever saw!”
The volunteer umpire’s leg guard has twisted, and now is on the side of his leg. A voice from the bleachers shouts, “Look!, they twisted his leg to get him to take this lousy job.”
The ball field is in the country and shares an electric fence with a few cows. The older boys entertain each other by getting the smaller boys to touch the fence with long blades of grass. This produces a small shock, to the surprise of the younger boys.
The smell of popcorn and hot dogs floats across the field and mingles with the smell of manure. This does little to slow the sale of food.
It’s the fifth inning. The opposing pitcher is sweating bullets. The count is full when Peter gets a base hit. Bobby, the fastest runner on the team, is at bat. He hits a long ball into center field. He over takes Peter and is pushing him around the bases. They both score.
Because we are ten runs ahead, the mercy rule is called. The game is in the book. We have won our first game. My team loves me, but the men coaches DO NOT!

Thoughts Deserving Little or No Attention

Thanks to Uncle Buck’s bathroom reader, if you have a spastic colon, you can soon earn a degree in trivia. Uncle Buck knows all and has written a library of books to share his knowledge.
His classroom is never crowded and there is always sitting room. You are transported into a world of thing you never knew, or needed to know. You can wow your friends with facts that people with health bathroom habits will never read.
However I still have a few questions unanswered questions.
Why do men grow long eyebrows? I find myself expecting quail to take flight from them.
Why do short women attract tall men and leave the short ones for me?
Heavenly Father only asks for 10%. Why does the government need more?
Why is tipping 10% not enough?
Why is throwing a ball through a hoop more valued, and highly paid, than teaching children?
Why is my food storage on my hips and not in my pantry?
Why does scratching help an itch?

Uncle Buck can you shed some light on these mysteries?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Only In My Mind

I bought a Pitch Back (a net on a frame). The idea is to throw the ball into the net and it comes back to you. I threw the ball and it came back and hit the top of my FOOT! I felt like something you see on funny home video's. I hopped around in pain and laughed so hard I couldn't talk. My friend was frightened. Here is one more activity to be added to the list of things I can do in my mind, but not with my body. I can't seem to remember that my body is 80 years old and only my spirt is still young.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sharing Talents and Recieving Blessings

Last week I gave a Friend a painting lesson. She insisted that she had no talent and couldn't paint. I insisted she try. Sunday at church her son said, "You have changed her life!" She was trilled with the picture and so was her family. She lives in Saint George and only visits here,but hopefully she can find a painting class there.

Saturday I gave 7 of my Red Hat sister a painting lesson. My first group lesson. No one had any experience in painting. I stood on my feet and taught for 5 hours. Ever one was
trilled and took home a 14 x 20 framed picture.

I could hardly get out of bed on Sunday. After church I applied hot packs to my knees(a bad idea). As a result I was in more pain and had a hard time walking to get my cane out of the car. Later the missionaries from my Ward (not he ones that live in the apartment) came to the door. I could hardly limp to the door. After a brief visit they asked if I had a blessing. I asked if they would give me a blessing. This sweet elder from Africa has only been on his mission 5 days. He was a bite nervous, but did well. I am walking O.K. this morning.

The blessing are so great, from this simple gesture, that I have offered lessons to anyone that wants to paint with me. The only investment would be two canvases. One for them and one for me to use for demonstration.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Writing update

I was trilled to get my first letter from an editor, even if it was a rejection. It was encouraging along with an invitation to try again.

Saturday I sat down to work on my current writing assignment. The deadline was three days away. I was surprised to find my printer had died. Following my own advice, " Don't be a helpless female", I went to Best Buys and bought a Kodak printer. My friend later told me that she had a bad experience with Kodak prints. I unpacked and set it up BY MYSELF! I then got on the phone with Kodak. It only took three hours of instruction to get the thing to print. This a major victory for me! I got an extension on the deadline.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Submitting my first story

Today I am submitting my first Story "Mickey Mockingbird" to three editors. My teacher is pushing me into it. It is a new experience and a learning experience. I don't hold much hope for it being accepted, but I have carried out the assignment.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Thanks, but NO thanks

I have decided that my coughing is due to Ms Kitty. I want to train her to sleep in a cat bed. I bought a lovely red cat bed. I placed it on the bed. Ms Kitty lays on anything that is on the bed. She gets in my open suit case, lays on my computer case. She was not interested in the cat bed. When going to bed I placed it next to my pillow, where she likes to sleep. She slept at the foot of the bed. The second night about 3:00 AM I found her next to my pillow and the cat bed was on the floor.
I have lost this battle,but will continuing to fight the war.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Honored

On Tuesday I went to the Los Angeles temple. It is beautiful, but is difficult for me to walk from the parking lot to the front door. It doesn't have a large dressing room for the handy capped. I also noticed that some of the chairs have wooden backs, not molded. A sign on the lawn said it was built in 1952.

Nick Twigg asked me to attend. It was in preparation for his mission. I was the only grandma person to be invited. He came to my house a couple of years ago. I beat him at Ping-Pong. After that day I always got a tight hug when we met. After the temple we had hamburgers at the Apple Pan in L.A. Brother Twigg treated the group of eleven.
I car pooled with the Twiggs.

I went to Kati (Kitts) for Easter. I car pooled with Paula and her family. It was a lovely dinner.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter Eggs and Pizza

Last evening I went to an Easter egg dying party at Paula's. The house was full of cousins. About a dozen kids and some adults colored eggs. I watched and ate pizza. I have a very large, loving family of cousins living within a 30 mile radius. This group is all descended from my aunt Lydia, mothers younger sister.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Busy Day

Yesterday I had my eyes dilated. Melissa provided transportation. The optometrist detected what he thought was a beginning cataract in my right eye. After the exam he said cataracts are rated 1-4. Mine is now less than 1. Michele Watson and girls took me to lunch. I went to supper with my church sisters. The day was full and so was I.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Busy Day

I painted a picture this morning, gave a painting lesson to Alison after lunch, and played domino's with Charlotte and Sarah Watson from 3:00 to 4:30 PM. Its been a full day and I am tired. I love kids.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Ocean Clean up

Wednesday I painted with oil. I have been using acrylic paint for several years. Oil is expensive and takes days to dry. I sat it on the front porch,in the sun to speed the drying. It got turned over wet side down. I ended with a angry ocean and a cloudy sky. I guess it was authentic because the ocean is full of trash. Because the paint was wet I was able to retrieve most of the dirt and cover the boo boos.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ms Kitty's Latest Trick

After returning home from a six day visit to Ocean Side Ms Kitty wanted attention. She sat on the arm of my chair, looked deep into my eyes and patted my nose. Before the only time she patted my nose was to wake me up. I didn't respond enough, so she raised her paw and tapped my shoulder. She did this two or three times until I loved her and spoke baby(cat)talk to her. She is a wonderful companion and on going entertainment.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Revelation is a wonderful gift

My phone charger has been lost since I went to Ocean Side last week. I have searched my luggage and the house and not found it. It is unique and cannot be replaced at Walmart, I have tried. This morning during prayer I received a revelation. "Look in the car." It was on the front floor of the car. I am so blessed and thankful.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Good to be home

I am home from a three day visit to Ocean Side that turned into six days. I came home to go to the temple with my temple group and found that the temple is closed and will be closed for another week. Ms Kitty was glad to see me and sat on my lap the rest of the day.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Family Visit

I have been visiting with the Ocean Side Larsens since 3/31, Crystal's birthday. It was nice to be with the family for conference. The weather is beautiful, about 75 and sunny. I love hot weather.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Mickey Mockingbird assignment #8-b

Mickey Mockingbird
Mickey Mockingbird lived in the city. He was the size of a tennis ball, and was looking for a lovely lady bird to be his mate. He would need to sing more songs than the other young male birds.
He sang and whistled and even made sounds like the rusty hinge on the garden shed. He made a sound like a telephone ringing and the lady ran inside to answer the phone. He sang day and night, but no lady bird came to listen.
The man in the house shouted at him when he sang at night. He woke the baby. He barked like the dog and caused the dog to bark.
Didn’t they know he was singing for his lady love?
Grandma and the little girl sat on the porch and listened. They loved his songs. They laughed when he cackled like a hen.
Each day Mickey added more sounds and songs to his concert. He could sing fifty songs now, but some of the others could sing two hundred. He would have to continue to learn more.
He had serenaded six lady birds already, but none had wanted to be his mate. He would sing day and night until he found the right lady bird. It was March and if he was to have a family he need to find a mate soon. There were nests to be built. Not just one, but maybe five or six. He would continue to build until she found the one she wanted to lay her eggs in.
It would take twelve days to hatch the eggs and twelve more days before the babies were old enough to survive on their own. This had to be done during warm weather. Mickey was working against time and time was running out.
With Mother Nature urging him on he continued his song day and night. The man grew more and more angry because of lose of sleep. He tried ear plugs. He slept with the T.V. on. He slept with his IPod in his ears, but nothing worked. Mickey’s songs could still be heard.
The man knew that Mockingbirds are very territorial. He made a plan. Maybe if Mickey thought there was another male mockingbird in the yard he would leave. The man recorded Mickey’s song that night and the next night he played the recording for Mickey to hear.
Hurray! It worked. Mickey moved a few blocks down the street to a park. There was no man there to shout at him. There were a lot of big trees for nest building. Soon a lovely lady mockingbird heard his song and wanted to be his mate. She found the nest she liked and laid four eggs. Twelve days later four baby mockingbirds were hatched. Mickey now spent his energy in hunting and feeding his babies. He had little time for singing.
The man was happy. Mickey was happy. Grandma and the little girl looked forward to next year when the Mockingbirds would sing for them again.

Friday, April 1, 2011

assignment #8-A

WANT TO LIVE IN A TREE?
You probable already do. Your house was once a tree. It grew and was cut down and made into lumber that made your house.
I have observed trees floating in the American river in Oregon and wondered if the water might cause damage. The water not only transports the logs to the mill, but helps to preserve them. Trees are milled about thirty days after they are cut down.
At the mill the trees are cut into boards. The boards must be dried to prevent twisting and splitting. They are weighted down and stacked so air circulates around each board. Because the ends dry faster than the middle latex paint is applied to the end of each board.
Have you ever looked at wood paneling or a door with the natural wood grain showing and wondered how that beautiful design was accomplished? It is made by cutting the log vertically into four pieces and opening it like a book.
All trees are not suitable for building houses because of fire or insect damage. A tree defends itself by filling sap into the holes made by insects. During a long dry season, if a tree does not get enough water, it cannot produce the sap needed to fend off burrowing insects. The wood of this tree is weaker and is less desirable. One item made from the damaged logs is wooden pallets (platform). Item are stacked on the pallets and transferred from the factory to the store.
A useful wood byproduct is Particle board. It is made by combining Resin (strong glue) with discarded wood products (sawdust, chips, etc.) compressing it and putting it through a curing oven. It is made into large sheets. It is a cheaper alternative to wood. Particle board is used in making, furniture and houses. Before the invention of particle board in the 1940’s discarded wood products were burned and added to air pollution.
So you see, you don’t need to be a monkey to live in a tree.
Research:
I interviewed managing personal at a large lumber company.
Research through Google: Lumbering manufacturing and Particle board manufacturing

Friday, March 25, 2011

Heads or Tails

After coughing for three months I was lucky enough to develop a slight bladder infection. The doctor prescribed Sulfameth. I must have swallowed the capsule up side down, because the cough is gone! I feel great!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Win

Yesterday I asked the computer to print some thing off of my friends blog. I wanted one page. It started on page 25 and printed a lot of letters not words. This happened to me a week or two ago and Paige had to help me stop the printing. This time I kept pushing buttons and finally I stopped the printer! I know this was only one battle. I am still losing the war. I will celebrate this victory while I can.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Love Pie

Yesterday the girls came for home school. I cooked dinner for them and their mother. We had blackberry pie and I had it again for breakfast. Since Ms Kitty eats only cat food I didn’t have to set an example.
My art student entered one of her paintings in 4-H and won a gold. Her mother was very excited.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Drain me, but don't detain me

Time for my yearly Physical, taken about every three years.
It’s time to make a donation to a test tube.
Oh, great there are at least twenty-five people in this waiting room. I’m lucky to get a seat; if it could be called lucky. Since gas has risen to $4.00 a gallon I‘ll wait and not make a second trip.
Waiting was boring,until she entered the room. She was Blond, cute and wearing high top, lime green tennis shoes. This three feet tall beauty was about three years old. She followed her mother and baby brother, in a stroller, to the corner and sat down.
Immediately she spied the fountain of youth in the corner. Its name was Arrow Head and she was thirsty. Against mothers advice she crossed the room and got a paper cup, and dropped it on the floor. Getting a second cup she expertly filled it with water. This kid was no novice.
Daddy now joined the family and fearing a spill he took the cup.
“That’s my water!” She said with authority, “You can get you some over there.” she gestured toward the water stand.
She kept up the lively chatter as she continued to drain and refill the cup three more times. This floor show was worth the long wait.
Finally her family was called into the lab. It was soon apparent that she was the one to be treated.
Her screams of,” No, No”, was delivered with that same intense authority as before. It flooded the waiting room. She was out of sight, but I imagine it took a crew to administer the treatment.
Finally, it was my turn. As I watched the elixir of life leave my arm and fill the small tube I thought, “Old blood sure is dark.”

Friday, March 18, 2011

Elderly Abuse

COMPUTER FRIENDLY,I DON’T THINK SO.
It’s my opinion that they all come with a built in demon that hates old people. The older I get the more problems I have with the thing. I think the term “elderly abuse” applies, or should. My five year old great grandson manages better than I do. I lose complete writings. Once I had to turn in an assignment that was all on the right side of the paper, leaving the left side blank. What works one time doesn't work again.
I got on face book and now I can’t make the thing work. I have a blog and finally have learned to edit the thing.
This demon has a crew. It also affects my phone. I can’t retrieve messages. My cell phone has eleven messages on it that remain a mystery. I can text, but only if I receive a message and return one. Email is O.K. sometime, but I sometime lose that too.
I never seem to lose the people taking surveys. Recently after answering a list of question I was asked my age and found I had missed the cut off age by ten years. I won’t be taking any more surveys! I’m now old enough to know better.
There is an army of people who phone and want to clean my air ducts. I don’t have forced heat, unless you count hot flashes. A branch of this same army wants to fix whatever is broken in my home. My home is in good shape. It’s me that needs fixing.
I received a notice to serve on a jury. I have never had that experience. I entered the building and got in a long line. After a while I asked if it was the right line. It wasn’t. These people were here to pay traffic fines. There was no court scheduled for today! I had neglected to phone the night before as instructed. Because of my age I am permanently excused from jury duty. Finally, I get a reward for being as old as a tree.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Grandma's bandaid station

Paige and Isaac have stopped here on the way home form Utah. Paige was well when she arrived last evening. She now has the stomach flu and has been up several times during the night. Isaac has given her a blessing and I have been to the drug store and bought what the druggist suggested. She is resting now and seems to be better.

It is reminiscent the old days. Crystal would send the kids with chickenpox to stay with Grandma. It's good to be useful.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I did it my way

I finally did it! I went to Todd's Funeral Home in Pomona and made pre-need funeral arrangements for myself. It's all paid for. Now the next step is up to me.
I then went to the Pomona Cemetery and paid to have the grave opened and closed. The grave is paid for and the head stone is there. I also paid to have the maker taken up and the date inscribed. I did not pay to have an obituary in the paper. For the price they want I think you could hire a sky writer or a town crier! Don't worry I feel fine. I did this for mother 20 years before she used it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Painting and praying

Alison Eggelson, my Bishop's daughter, had her fifth painting lesson today. She had to paint over the bottom half of the picture and re-paint it, because it was so bad. I kept thinking this kid just doesn't get it. I will have to stop taking her mother's money. The bottom of the picture was water and the second coat of paint gave it the look of a lake. Her mother was very pleased with the painting. She said it was the best one she has done. She gave me a hug and will be back next week.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

A large moutain

Wednesday's art lesson was all in blue and white. A large mountain and lake. The student and her mother were very pleased. Michele, the home school kids mother, liked the painting I did as I was teaching. I gave it to her. She is so good to me and I was happy to give her a painting she liked. Teaching is forcing me to paint more often.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ms Kitty is an only child

Yesterday the little girls came for home school. While Sarah read the history lesson to us Charlotte asked to sit in my lap. She cuddled and put her head on my shoulder. Ms Kitty came and sat on top of both of us. She was determined to be noticed.
Ms Kitty likes the girls, but my lap has been hers alone. This lasted for about 15 minuets.
I taught the girls how to use a glove, throw and catch a ball. It was the first time they had done either. They both were very excited and did very well. I love kids.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I love my routine

At last I am back into the routine of life. The two little girls are here for home schooling. I stayed for the 3 hour block at church. I read my scriptures this morning. The sun is shinning and I feel good. I gave only one painting lesson in January. I will give an art lesson on Wednesday. I love to be with these kids. It pumps life into me and fun into my day.

Ms Kitty has a new trick. She sits on the basin, looks into the mirror and opens the medicine cabinet. She looked into it put didn't pull anything out, yet.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Huray

I am well at last. I was sick with a cough for the whole month of January and hardly left the house.

I have just managed to down lowed 4 audio books and transfer them to my ipod without help! This is a first. I don't know how I did it. I just kept pointing and clicking.

Yesterday I had lunch at The Avocado House with a girl I known since 7th grade. There aren't many of us still among the living. She has been recently widowed and was in need of companionship. She was impressed with Ms Kitty.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Still Coughing

I finally gave up and went to the doctor on Monday. He said this cough is going around and takes about 3 weeks to go away. That was good news since I had been coughing for over 3 weeks. He gave me a flu and pneumonia shot. The cough got a little better and my arm was very sore from the pneumonia shot. After 4 days I phoned the doctor (Crystal insisted) to tell him about the soreness in my arm. He had me come right in so he could look at it. He phoned me this morning to be sure it was getting better. He was afraid it could be infection. It was an allergic reaction and is getting better. Thanks Crystal, I guess it could have been serious.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sick is no fun, Well is better

I am up and dressed. A feat I didn't accomplish yesterday. I had a cold at the first of the month and thought I was over it. It came back with a vengeance Thursday. My nose was running a stream so I took an allergy pill. It was good for 24 hours (it wasn't good at all. My nose continued to run).

I was afraid to take cold medicine for 20 hours and suffered a awful night. I won't be taking any pill that holds me in bondage that long again!

As soon as I was free to take the cold medicine I began to improve. I hope to go with the Red Hats to lunch today. I missed two dinner appointment this week, because of the cold. If life doesn't get any worse than that I can live with it.

I was O.K. on Wednesday and gave an art lesson. It was my only day I was well enough to given a lesson.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

assignment #7 a re-write

LITTLE LEAGUE ROOKIES

“She’s a woman and we don’t have women coaches in this league!” the league president, Don, shouted, red faced. The right to coach Little League baseball is still being jealously guarded by men.
“I’ll only manage a team if I get to pick my coach and I pick her!” shouted George.
“We need a fourth team for the miners. We had three teams for the first half of the season and it didn’t work well,” said Don.
All of the coaches and managers agreed. A vote is taken and George’s terms are accepted.
“Bobby is a good player and I want him too!” George adds.
“O.K. you can have him. His birthday is on the cutoff date, and he is too old to pitch.” Don concedes.
“Bobby is eligible to pitch,” Insisted Coach Bonnie. Little League headquarter is called. Bobbie’s eligibility is established. He is allowed to pitch.
Bob and John’s Service Station sponsors the team and provide uniforms. We have a coach, a manager and a group of twelve boys. We are now a team. Let’s play ball!
Our team is made up of boys pasted over at the beginning of the season and boys culled from the three existing team. The coaches have chosen who they will give us from their team. You can be
Bonnie Phillips
AWQ2865
sure that we aren’t given any all stars! The boys are eight or nine years old, with the exception of twelve year old Bobby.
Encouragement and praise replaces criticism and we are off to a good start.
At our first practice, while running the bases, Larry runs to first base and then to pitcher’s mound. “This is going to be a challenge!” thinks Coach Bonnie.
It’s game time. The Umpire shouts, “Play ball” and the second half of the season is under way.
This is our first game and all eyes are on me. I am thinking of the men coaches and the need to prove them wrong about women coaches. The smell of hot dogs simmering and popcorn popping floats across the diamond, but I’m too anxious to think of food.
The ball field is fenced and has two dugouts, a grassy outfield and fresh chalk on the infield. It is surrounded by open fields and grazing cattle. The smell of freshly cut grass floats in the air and mingles with the odor of manure. This doesn’t slow down business in the snack bar.
Behind the snack bar a group of older boys are encouraging the younger ones to touch the electric fence that surround the pasture, with the long blades of grass. The electricity travels up the wet grass and delivers a small shock to the surprise of the little boys.
The team is all here except Pete. He rides to practice with a neighbor and rides his bike to games but can’t find the ball field on his own

“Coach, I forgot one shoe,” says Jimmy.
“Coach, coach I’m wearing my cup,” said Jamie, throwing one leg into the air and rapping his knuckles on the front of his pants.
Richard removes his partial plate, containing one front tooth, and hands it to me. “Mother is afraid I may break it if I play with in my mouth,” he says.
“You look sad. Are you OK?” I ask Robert.
“My glove is black and all the other kids have brown gloves,” he replies with a tear in his eye. “Black glovers are neat,” I said, trying to console him. He brightens up and goes to sit in the dugout.
Umpire shouts, “Play ball.
Billy, who has the smallest strike zone on the team, is at bat. “Ball four, take your base,” shouts the umpire.
The next batter is Willie. He suffers from dyslexia. He gets a hit and runs to third base. Scooping up the ground ball, the fielder sees the batter going to third and is confused. He hesitates, and over throws first base; the ball goes into deep right field. The runner on first base advances to second base, but stops when he sees third base is occupied by the batter. The ball is thrown to first base and the umpire shouts, “Batter’s out.”

The opposing coach scratches his head and says, “That’s either the dumbest or the smartest way to advance a runner I ever saw.”
The volunteer umpire’s knee guard has slipped and is now on the side of his leg. “Look, they twisted his leg to get him to take this lousy job,” calls a voice from the bleachers.
The sun is blazing hot. Pressure is on the pitcher and sweat is running down his face. Joey hits a single and goes to first base. Jack, the fastest runner on our team, is at bat. He hits a long fly into center field and over takes Joey, and is pushing him around the bases, both score.
Two more runs and two more outs and our team is in the field. Larry, the youngest boy on the team, goes to the port-a-potty
They have a runner on third and first. our catcher lifts his mask, setting up a play. The ball is pitched; the first base runner takes off for second base. The short stop moves in close to the pitcher, the catcher throws to the short stop, the runner on third thinks the play is at second base and starts home, the short stop returns the ball to the catcher and the runner from third is tag out at home.
The opposing coach says, “What just happened? How did they do that?”
Joey is pitching. He looks uncomfortable and the wet spot in the front of his pants is getting larger and larger! His mother dashes home for a dry pair of pants.
The inning ends and our team goes to the dugout. Larry returns from the port-a- potty and fails to notice his team is now in the dugout. He tries to joins the other team in the field and is called back.
The mercy rule is called, because we are ten runs ahead, and the game ends. We have won our first game! The men coaches are surer than ever that they don’t want a woman in their league.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Doing eighty and loving it!

Mother Nature May I Grow Old
I’m doing eighty and it’s all downhill from here!
Staying young is a losing battle and I surrendered years ago. I know when I’m licked. The mirror doesn’t lie even if my well meaning friends do when they say, “you haven’t changed in fifteen years”. Maybe they haven’t changed their glasses in fifteen years. I gave up the illusion of youth years ago when I stopped dying my hair and realized you can’t fool Mother Nature, and nobody really cares anyway. I love my white hair and have night mares that my hair has turned dark again.
I now do things that youth and false pride denied me.
I shower daily in the summer and shower and shampoo only twice a week in the winter. My cat doesn’t mind.
I let my cat walk on the counters tops in the kitchen. I can’t stop her.
I shout for another checker when the line gets too long in the market.
I talk to strangers of all ages, sexes, and nationality.
I shop at thrift stores and pay little for my clothes. I blow what I save on clothes on my expensive feet. I have to pay over $130.00 for my shoes, but only if I want to keep walking.
I’m into comfort in clothing and not the latest style. Style is a personal thing that I don’t see through the eyes of youth. Ironing clothes is a lost art and cotton wrinkles. I like polyester it doesn’t wrinkle. My birthday suit has wrinkles; I forgot to read the label.
I have recently rearranged my dish cupboard. I have consolidated my dishes and now paper plates, cups and bowls occupy half of the space. I plan on saving water, making my trash man’s job more secure, and doing my part in recycling paper.
Cooking was never my favorite thing. I fancy myself a good cook, but I only cook because I like to eat. I don’t care who cooks it so I eat out a lot.
I drive a dirty car. It’s not that I don’t like a clean car, but I don’t have a garage and it gets dirty fast. I don’t like to wash it. One of the perks of being ancient is that my neighbors sometime wash it for me. I love it. Unfortunately my outside cat loves it too and leaves muddy paw prints on the hood and roof.
I don’t do yard work and haven’t in recent years. As a youth I mowed lawns for money and feel it is only right that I repay society by now employing a gardener.
I worked years cleaning other people’s homes and apply the same reasoning for employing a lady to clean my house. I attribute lack of ambition in both of these areas to maturity and not just plain laziness.
I do the laundry when the hamper fills up or I run out of clean underwear. I have enough underwear for two weeks so that saves a lot of wear and tear on the laundry facilities.
My cat and I sleep together. She has trained me to sleep in the middle of the mattress while she occupies the corners. It took awhile to work out this arrangement and involved a few bites through the blankets followed by a few kicks, but we now have an acceptable understanding.
I see my dentist about every two years and don’t bother with that twice a year schedule thing. The only thing that would cause me to see him more often is a tooth ache and I haven’t had that in years. I floss and brush daily and don’t worry about staying kissing sweet.
I wear my hair short, cut my finger nails short and often find myself short on energy until someone says, “Let’s go”. That works better than a vitamin B shot.
I get my yearly physical every two years.
I have clutter on the floor around my recliner chair. It may include my lap top computer, appointment calendar, books and everything my cat has knocked off of the end table. I nap in my chair when I feel sleepy and no one cares. I love to paint pictures and write stories, but only when the spirit moves me.
I eat early in the evening and go to bed early, or late depending greatly upon the score of the Lakers basketball game. I don’t like to watch losers.
I hang up on people taking phone surveys and unsolicited phone calls. I don’t bother to be polite.
I love family and friends.
I admit I don’t understand Isaiah and have difficulty pronouncing bible name.
I can live with that. Life is good.