She's Got Baseballs!

By Bonnie Jo Phillips 7/21/2011

“Play ball!” shouts the umpire and my Little League Team takes the field. I have broken the ban that separates women coaches from men coaches. I am a pioneer.
My second baseman, Richard hands me his partial plate containing one front tooth, and explains, “My mother doesn’t want me to play with it in my mouth.
Henry, our catcher, throws his right leg into the air and raps on the front of his pants. “Coach I’m wearing my cup” he announces.
Joey, my eight year old pitcher, takes the mound. His control of the ball is better than the control of his bladder. As the presser of the game increases, so does the wet spot in the front of his pants. His mother races home for a dry pair of pants.
The opposing team makes three outs and it is out turn at bat. Johnny gets on base with a walk. It is Mike’s turn at bat. He gets a hit. He suffers from dyslexia, and in the excitement, runs to third base. The center fielder scoops up the ball, but is confused when he sees the batter running to third base. He hesitates and over throws first base. The ball goes into the bleacher. Joey runs to second base. Seeing the batter on third base he stops. The ball is thrown to first base and the umpire shouts, “Batter’s out!”
The opposing coach scratches his head and says, “That’s either the smartest or the dumbest way to advance a run that I ever saw!”
The volunteer umpire’s leg guard has twisted, and now is on the side of his leg. A voice from the bleachers shouts, “Look!, they twisted his leg to get him to take this lousy job.”
The ball field is in the country and shares an electric fence with a few cows. The older boys entertain each other by getting the smaller boys to touch the fence with long blades of grass. This produces a small shock, to the surprise of the younger boys.
The smell of popcorn and hot dogs floats across the field and mingles with the smell of manure. This does little to slow the sale of food.
It’s the fifth inning. The opposing pitcher is sweating bullets. The count is full when Peter gets a base hit. Bobby, the fastest runner on the team, is at bat. He hits a long ball into center field. He over takes Peter and is pushing him around the bases. They both score.
Because we are ten runs ahead, the mercy rule is called. The game is in the book. We have won our first game. My team loves me, but the men coaches DO NOT!

Thoughts Deserving Little or No Attention

Thanks to Uncle Buck’s bathroom reader, if you have a spastic colon, you can soon earn a degree in trivia. Uncle Buck knows all and has written a library of books to share his knowledge.
His classroom is never crowded and there is always sitting room. You are transported into a world of thing you never knew, or needed to know. You can wow your friends with facts that people with health bathroom habits will never read.
However I still have a few questions unanswered questions.
Why do men grow long eyebrows? I find myself expecting quail to take flight from them.
Why do short women attract tall men and leave the short ones for me?
Heavenly Father only asks for 10%. Why does the government need more?
Why is tipping 10% not enough?
Why is throwing a ball through a hoop more valued, and highly paid, than teaching children?
Why is my food storage on my hips and not in my pantry?
Why does scratching help an itch?

Uncle Buck can you shed some light on these mysteries?