Let’s Play Get the Guest

I ring the doorbell and wait nervously. A parent is throwing the faculty/parent Christmas party, and I am expected to attend. I have been teaching in this Catholic High School since September and I am the only Mormon on the faculty, making me a subject of curiosity. This curiosity is a two Way Street; I have not known many Catholics. I have been treated with kindness and respect…up to now.

As I entered the room Father O’Conner is conducting. After introductions, he turns to me and begins to explain the game, “If you were marooned on a deserted island what two books would you want to have with you?” All eyes are on me as I pondered the question. Feeling heat from an imaginary spotlight, I answer, “The Book of Mormon and The Bible.” A polite condescending giggle ripples across the room.

Toying with me like a cat with a mouse, and talking down to me, he asks, “Wouldn't you like to have a book that would teach you how to build a boat?”

“There are boat building instructions in the Book of Mormon,” I answer. He abandons me for more entertaining people. I am grateful.

Refreshments are served and once more Father O’Conner engages me in conversation. Standing in the middle of the room and speaking in a loud voice, so all could hear, he says, “I understand that you are an expert on ducks.” I have a pair of ducks roaming around in my yard, with the assignment to eat bugs; does that make me an expert? He continues, “Recently there has been a story in the news about a duckling that hatched without an anal opening. I was wondering if you knew anything that could be done to help it.” Again he was rewarded with polite laughter.

I repress an urge to laugh, as I receive inspiration to answer him. With a thoughtful look on my face and a serious tone in my voice I say, “If a donor could be found, they are doing wonderful things with transplants these days.”

A great roar of laughter rocks the room. He has been upstaged and no longer wants to play ‘Get the Guest' with me, and he is happy to find an opening that leads to THE END.