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Susie sat by the fence in the backyard playing with her favorite toy, her dollhouse. It’s almost as tall as she is, and the rooms are full of beautiful doll furniture. She loves it.

Christmas had brought a lot of new toys for her brothers, but Susie’s was the best of all. Her three brothers got a red fire engine and thought it was great, but what do dumb boys know?

“Look what our fire engine can do,” said Mike. “It has a real siren and a hose that shoots water! The only thing that dumb dollhouse does is sit there. “

“Mama,” cried Susie, “Make the boys leave me alone and stop saying my dollhouse is dumb.”

“Boys, leave your sister alone and go play with your new fire engine,” shouted mother.

The fire engine is fun but a fireman needs a fire, and there hadn’t been one all morning. The boys were tired of waiting for one to happen.

”I have an idea,” said Jim, “While Susie is in the house lets set a small fire in the dollhouse and put it out with our new fire engine. Then she will see how neat it is!”

“Yeah,” said Tommy, “that’s a good idea!”

Billy said, “She’ll be sorry she said our fire engine was dumb when we rescue her dollhouse, just like real fireman.”

“Ma, Ma, the boys are burning my dollhouse! That dumb fire engine has a little stream of water and can’t put out the fire!”

“Call the fire department. The fence is burning too!” exclaimed mother.
The fireman made quick work of putting out the fire, and asked the boys what would happen to them now?

Jim answered, “We don’t want to talk about it. Punishment’s pending.”

Let’s Play Get the Guest

I ring the doorbell and wait nervously. A parent is throwing the faculty/parent Christmas party, and I am expected to attend. I have been teaching in this Catholic High School since September and I am the only Mormon on the faculty, making me a subject of curiosity. This curiosity is a two Way Street; I have not known many Catholics. I have been treated with kindness and respect…up to now.

As I entered the room Father O’Conner is conducting. After introductions, he turns to me and begins to explain the game, “If you were marooned on a deserted island what two books would you want to have with you?” All eyes are on me as I pondered the question. Feeling heat from an imaginary spotlight, I answer, “The Book of Mormon and The Bible.” A polite condescending giggle ripples across the room.

Toying with me like a cat with a mouse, and talking down to me, he asks, “Wouldn't you like to have a book that would teach you how to build a boat?”

“There are boat building instructions in the Book of Mormon,” I answer. He abandons me for more entertaining people. I am grateful.

Refreshments are served and once more Father O’Conner engages me in conversation. Standing in the middle of the room and speaking in a loud voice, so all could hear, he says, “I understand that you are an expert on ducks.” I have a pair of ducks roaming around in my yard, with the assignment to eat bugs; does that make me an expert? He continues, “Recently there has been a story in the news about a duckling that hatched without an anal opening. I was wondering if you knew anything that could be done to help it.” Again he was rewarded with polite laughter.

I repress an urge to laugh, as I receive inspiration to answer him. With a thoughtful look on my face and a serious tone in my voice I say, “If a donor could be found, they are doing wonderful things with transplants these days.”

A great roar of laughter rocks the room. He has been upstaged and no longer wants to play ‘Get the Guest' with me, and he is happy to find an opening that leads to THE END.

Why doesn't the world owe me a living too?

Inflation has struck and even the beggars are demanding an increase. I was approached by a Young Mexican woman holding a sign asking for money to feed her children. I gave her two quarters and she said she wanted a $1.00! I held out my hand and she returned the quarters and I drove away! No beans for her kids just steak.

Second full day at the Belnaps

This is the second night at the Belnaps and the second long dream. It’s like a full length soap opera and makes about as much sense.

The boys are sweet and let me love them. They are both smart and Peter dispenses information that is surprising for his age. This morning he explains how the table comes apart and the leaves come out. Without the center leaves the two end pieces, even though they have two legs, would fall over. The table is too big to go into a box for moving but will be taken apart. Cooper wants to know if I am sick and why I am coughing, so do I.

Junior High PE

I am curious about Jane. She is an albino; a person with white hair, milky white skin, and pink eyes. She is the first albino I have ever seen. I don’t know her, she in my Physical Education class.

We are learning to shoot with the bow and arrow. I sneak a peek at Jane and see her raise her bow and pull the bowstring back by her ear. She hooks her glasses with the bowstring and shoots them across the field. The glasses rotate in little circles as they fly through the air. If the target is the ground, she has scored a bull’s eye. The bell rings, ending the class, and we all run to the dressing room.

The next sport we learn is soccer. Ms. Jean, the teacher, explains the rules and we are ready to play. Jane is on my team. The ball is put into play. Mary kicks the ball to me, I run with it, and pass it to Jane. Jane is a little off balance when she plants her left foot, draws back her right foot and kicks her left foot out from under her. She falls on top of the ball. The opposing team sees an opening, and attacks with the energy of a school of sharks in a feeding frenzy. Both teams dash toward the goal. Jane lies there moaning. She will have some color tomorrow, if albinos can turn black and blue. I like Jane. She’s funny.

We are now one goal down. In Junior High PE class there are no referees with yellow and red cards to come to the rescue. It’s “Survival of the Fittest.” My team puts the ball into play and we race toward the goal, the goalie looks up in terror! She sees the whole class rushing at her and runs for safety at the sideline. Saving life is more important than saving a goal, especial when it’s your life, and like the losers always say, “It’s only a game.” We score and once more we are saved by the bell, and the period is over.

The next day Ms. Jean decided that I am too rough, I prefer skilled, for my class mates to guard, so she will play against me. I am delighted. I am going to show her how good I am. Jane passes me the ball and I am running down the field when Ms. Jean goes for the ball; I knock her down, run over her and black her eye with my elbow. We both feel like crying. I love this teacher!

First Aid is the next subject in PE class, and it will be useful in surviving this class! To stop bleeding you elevate the limb and apply direct pressure to the wound. In case of fainting the head should not be higher than the heart. Ice is applied for sprains and bruises, or you could just get out of class using that age old ploy, a fake PE excuse.